Chapter One
I cling to my sister as the shaking dies down. She is soaking my shirt with her frightened tears. A tear of two of my own have mixed with hers. Her fingernails digging into my skin remind me just how scary all this must be for her. I whisper to Becky that it will all be okay. The house has ceased it’s trembling. I think we are clear to move. I rise, still holding sweet little girl. Thankfully she isn’t too heavy; she just turned three a couple weeks ago. I carry her over to the counter which seems to be intact.
“Are you hurt?” I ask.
She shakes her head.
Of course I know she is very hurt but I can’t put a band-aid on those wounds.
I help Becky down from the counter, assured that she isn't hurt, and grab her hand. We have to get out of here before they find us. I sling my now full backpack over my shoulder. We hurry for the back door and I shut it as quietly as I can. I pick her up and run for all I'm worth. We have to get out of here. I cant let us be seen. I refuse to fail them again.
Very good, it doesnt give the entire storyline away within the first page, so it keeps the reader intrigued!
ReplyDeleteI like it...it keeps the reader attached and makes them feel like they want to keep reading so they can find out what will happen!
ReplyDeleteAhhh... Hurry post the next page! Dying of suspense!
ReplyDeleteI like it! Especially the last sentence, it makes me want to keep reading it! i like your style of writing, its exciting!
ReplyDeleteVery well written intro. A few grammar errors, but hey, it kept my attention!
ReplyDeleteAndy Roddick
Good opening. I'm wondering what's going on, but I'm not confused (if that makes sense). You did a good job of giving the reader just enough to keep reading, but not so much that they feel like they have to take notes on plot points.
ReplyDeleteI especially liked the line about the wounds you can't put a band-aid on. My initial thought was that this was going to be a suspense thriller type story, but that line gives us more. There is emotional fear there, and it shows the main character's empathy for her little sister. Good job.
That was a very good way to start the story out. It grabs the attention of the readers and makes them want to keep reading and figure out what is happening and what will happen next.
ReplyDelete